Al Gore: Global warming responsible for disappearing sunspots

Finally, Gore making sense.

Well, as much sense as he ever makes.


Al Gore: Global warming responsible for disappearing sunspots

Posted in Satire by sirsatire on June 5th, 2008

Former Vice President Al Gore warned that global warming on Earth is causing sunspots to disappear at an alarming rate, and that a new sunspot tax should be imposed as part of a solution for the problem.

Gore made the remarks while giving a speech at the Alliance for Climate Protection’s Climate Change Solutions Summit Alliance of the Greater Association of Climate Change Alliances of Nashville, Tennessee (ACPCCSSAGACCANT). He warned of disastrous consequences should the sun continue to operate without its spots.

Farting contributes to global warming, so please cork yourself whenever possible“Sunspots have virtually disappeared from the sun,” the climate politician explained. “And we know from historical evidence that a cooling trend on Earth always follows after this happens. That means that, historically, it’s always warm on Earth before the sunspot-induced cooling trend happens. And we know it only gets warm here on Earth if there’s a climate change that causes it to get warm. And that means global warming. Carbon dioxide causes global warming because humans breath it out a lot before the sun loses its spots. So the conclusion is inescapable: Global warming is causing the sun to lose its spots, much like a leopard would if dunked in too much bleach.”

Gore laid out one possible solution to the sunspot problem.

“To restore the sunspots, we could build a big rocket ship and go to the sun and drop lots of hydrogen bombs all over it,” the Tennessee native said as the audience chuckled. “Yes, I know… that’s a silly idea, because it’s expensive and there’s no guarantee of success. Option number two is a sunspot tax on everyone who doesn’t live in Tennessee.”

The audience applauded loudly as Gore performed a Michael Jackson moonwalk across the stage.

After the speech, the inventor of the Internet rode off on the mechanical lift seen in his An Inconvenient Truth documentary. In order to stay carbon neutral while traveling, Gore hires illegal aliens to pull the lift with towropes.

Sir Satire’s New World Order News Service

Be sure to check this out if you ever wondered what’s melting the ice caps.

Global Warming and Mount Kilimanjaro: “An Inconvenient Wind”

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4 Responses to “Al Gore: Global warming responsible for disappearing sunspots”

  1. Hans Says:

    If we are “blowing” money on wind farms, then how do you describe the money spend on nuclear?

    just curious…

  2. Earl Says:

    I almost thought this was serious … because it sounds like something Gore would say … whew!!! … another excuse to tax.

  3. Alex Says:

    Common think about it, how would the earth
    have any impact on what the sun does, Dont you
    think that the sun might be loosing its spots
    for another reason? Read Lawrence Solomon’s paper
    on the idea… The sun loosing its spots does in
    fact mean that the earth will get colder, even
    cold enough to cause a small ice age and thats
    what we should be focusing our ideas on.

  4. knutselbox Says:

    is this a joke, to be honest i wouldnt be surprised if the man named al gore, did a statement like this. He already thinks that humankind can cause the climate to shift from warm to cold. djeeezessss, there s a lightbolb above our head that is millions of times bigger then the earth, so pleaaase, shut up about my CO2 emissions when i m shitting on the toilet.

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