Posts Tagged ‘sun spots’

Al Gore: Global warming responsible for disappearing sunspots

June 5, 2008

Finally, Gore making sense.

Well, as much sense as he ever makes.


Al Gore: Global warming responsible for disappearing sunspots

Posted in Satire by sirsatire on June 5th, 2008

Former Vice President Al Gore warned that global warming on Earth is causing sunspots to disappear at an alarming rate, and that a new sunspot tax should be imposed as part of a solution for the problem.

Gore made the remarks while giving a speech at the Alliance for Climate Protection’s Climate Change Solutions Summit Alliance of the Greater Association of Climate Change Alliances of Nashville, Tennessee (ACPCCSSAGACCANT). He warned of disastrous consequences should the sun continue to operate without its spots.

Farting contributes to global warming, so please cork yourself whenever possible“Sunspots have virtually disappeared from the sun,” the climate politician explained. “And we know from historical evidence that a cooling trend on Earth always follows after this happens. That means that, historically, it’s always warm on Earth before the sunspot-induced cooling trend happens. And we know it only gets warm here on Earth if there’s a climate change that causes it to get warm. And that means global warming. Carbon dioxide causes global warming because humans breath it out a lot before the sun loses its spots. So the conclusion is inescapable: Global warming is causing the sun to lose its spots, much like a leopard would if dunked in too much bleach.”

Gore laid out one possible solution to the sunspot problem.

“To restore the sunspots, we could build a big rocket ship and go to the sun and drop lots of hydrogen bombs all over it,” the Tennessee native said as the audience chuckled. “Yes, I know… that’s a silly idea, because it’s expensive and there’s no guarantee of success. Option number two is a sunspot tax on everyone who doesn’t live in Tennessee.”

The audience applauded loudly as Gore performed a Michael Jackson moonwalk across the stage.

After the speech, the inventor of the Internet rode off on the mechanical lift seen in his An Inconvenient Truth documentary. In order to stay carbon neutral while traveling, Gore hires illegal aliens to pull the lift with towropes.

Sir Satire’s New World Order News Service

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